I miss you Mom!
I wanted a permanent place to put my mom Barbara's eulogy that I gave, and also share the In Memory Of video I created for her... so people could see her through my eyes. I think I had the deepest connection with her and saw all sides. She was my mother, and my best friend... and even more uniquely at times I was like her anchor. I wish everyone had the chance to have her in their lives, because she truly was a remarkable person. I try every day to talk to the girls about "Grandma Barbara" and tell them stories about her and them, how much she loved them, how much they remind me of her, etc. Just as I promised her I would do. I wish she was here to watch them grow. She would be so proud...
Mom's Eulogy:
I knew that I wanted to say something at my mom’s service, but every time I sat down to write it nothing seemed like it was good enough. How do you find the right words to describe someone who is your sun and your moon? She was mother, my best friend, my entire world. There aren’t enough words to describe someone like my mom that would do her any justice. It’s like trying to describe the beauty and tranquility of the ocean to someone who has never seen or experienced it in person.
Like all children and teenagers, growing up I was always quick to want to set myself apart as an individual and saw all of the small little differences in my mother and I, and acted as if I didn’t see just how much we were alike…The older I grew, the more and more people would tell me of the big and small things we had in common, and as an adult, I am extremely proud to admit- I am my mother’s daughter through and through. To me, hearing “how much I remind someone of my mom” is the greatest compliment in the world. Even if it’s because I will pause what I’m doing to check my lip gloss or have a ditzy moment. I take great pride in being her daughter, and despite the challenges and adversity; she never stopped being an incredible, loving mother to all of her children.
My mom was a beautiful person. Not only was she beautiful on the outside, but she was beautiful on the inside. It’s hard to talk about my mom though and not talk about how beautiful she was. Us kids always joked with her about her intensive hair grooming ritual that had begun at 16 years old and continued her entire life. We’d hear the blow dryers (and yes she used multiple dryers) and laugh about how it sounded like jets taking off outside of our bedroom doors. I told her often that her hair looked the same about 15 minutes in as it did 2 hours later, but she didn’t see herself the way we all saw her. My mom was a natural beauty. She could just wake up or jump out of the shower and look like she was ready for a modeling shoot. My next door neighbor, Joe Fleegle, was a classmate and very close friend of mine. I’d often have my girlfriends over or he’d have the guys over, and I can’t even begin to count the times the guys would tell me they wanted to hang out outback of my house so they could see my mom laying out in the sun. My senior year I had a picture from my locker disappear which was of my mom and I at the beach, and I later came to find out my classmate and friend Matt Graves had taken it to hang in his locker.
To me though, what made my mom so beautiful is that she was one of the most kind-hearted people that I have ever known in this world. When she walked into a room it was as if the sun had just risen on the beach. She had such a way of lighting up a room. Obviously, she was incredibly stunning, but even more so, she was full of life. She had a love for life and for people that was simply amazing. Even during the most challenging of times and through her battle with cancer, she always had a smile on her face.
My mom also had such a youthful innocence about her that was unique and touching. She saw the best in everyone and was a kid at heart. Even just in her last two weeks of life, in the hospital she asked me to turn on cartoons because she wanted to watch them because they make her happy. She had such an appreciation of things, and even the smallest little things that most people take for granted would fill her with joy.
I know that mom often times in life looked to me for strength, and to me, she was my angel. A song you will hear later by the band Nelson was one of her favorites when I was really young. I was too young to really know what the song was about, all I knew is that I loved to hear her sing it, and because the first line said “Here she comes, ooo just like an Angel” I thought for certain the song was about my mom. I know my brothers all feel the same way about her. Her love for us was unconditional, and we all can’t imagine a life without her here. There will never be a day that I am not completely amazed at the grace and strength she had during her fight with cancer. Even with her last breaths, she had a determination and beauty that will never be matched by another person. I hope she knew just how much she was loved by everyone.
I don’t know how life goes on after something like this, everyone tells me it does. That somehow, you make it through each day, one at a time. I can’t imagine not seeing her smile again, hearing her laugh, singing in the car with her, or just having a conversation with her. My mom was so proud of her children, and she was extremely proud of her twin granddaughters. I will spend the rest of my life trying to tell enough stories and show enough pictures for my twin girls so that they can grow up knowing just how much their Grandma loved them, and just how special of a person she was. I will buy them gifts as they grow up that I know she would have wanted to get them and label them from her. To my brothers, they undoubtingly know that she loved them with all of her heart, and although I will never be “mom”, I will make sure I help keep the family together and look after them like I know she wanted. She was the proudest mom of all of her kids. If there was a picture in the dictionary to describe unconditional love, it would be of my mother.
There will never be a day that will go by that I don’t think of her, and I know I will never stop missing her. We shared a very strong and unique mother/ daughter bond, which most people would never fully understand. Whether it be fate, or God, or some other force of nature, I think my mother and I were in each other’s’ lives for a reason. I am grateful for every moment I had with her, as I’m sure many people in this room are as well.
My mom’s favorite quote was a simple one
“Live, Laugh, Love”
And that she did. She lived well, laughed often, and loved much.